I gave my life to Christ when I was 14. But that is not when I literally met Jesus. When I was in the Marines, around 2003, I was pursuing learning many spiritual things. I was trying to learn more about the prophetic gifting within me so I could cultivate it. And that led me to a ministry that was known back then as G.M.R.N. GMRN had a prophetic training program that was in its infancy back then. More on that in another blog.
I was also trying to learn about healing. I was trying to cultivate that 19th birthday gift from God (the gift of healing, discussed in another blog). The pursuit of learning about healing led me to a man named Roger Sapp of All Nations Ministries. That was the JACKPOT for learning about healing. But I did not know that yet.
I am going to tell you that there were two different things that happened, and I cannot remember whether they happened on the same day, or just around the same time of life. This was many years ago, so I will do my best to be as accurate as possible.
Jesus Annoyed Me
I had been watching this video by Roger Sapp on healing. I read his book called “Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt” and then watched this video called “14 visible healings and miracles.” He had a few other audio and video messages back then, he has many more now. But I was listening to Roger and he annoyed the heck out of me, and I realized that it was because he said the name Jesus so many times whenever he was teaching and preaching. It annoyed me. I did not like it.
One day, around the same time of life, maybe even the same day, I was reading a very unique book. I believe this book was particularly written for prophetic individuals. This book has mostly disappeared from the Internet, so I do not know that it exist in print form any longer. But while I was reading it, something happened to me. And then I had a revelation.
If Jesus is what I have put my faith in, the guy that I accepted into my heart as my Lord and Savior when I was 14, why does the name Jesus bother me so much? Why does this annoy me so much? If I truly believed in this faith, I feel like I should have greater love for the name of Jesus.
And all of a sudden it hit me. I claimed to be a Christian, I had been walking with Christ for at least five years by this point. I had heard the voice of God speak to me on numerous occasions. And yet Jesus, the entire focus of the Christian faith, was something that bothered me.
I prayed. I repented. I asked God to change my heart so that the name Jesus would quit annoying me, and instead that I would feel the proper love for Christ that I was supposed to feel.
And then I broke down. I fell to my knees from the chair that I had been reading in. And standing before me, was Jesus Christ. I could not bear to look up. I only got to see His feet. But I got to experience something amazing, which I will describe here. I got to experience agape love.
Agape love is something that is spoken about in Scripture. It is the highest form of love. Whenever Christ appeared before me, the only way I can describe it is as though I became completely naked and disassembled. As though I had been disassembled into every molecule and every atom of my entire being and every action that I had committed or would ever commit. From the beginning to the end of my existence. He can see everything. Nothing was hidden.
I kneeled there, humbled and broken, not even close to worthy to be in His presence. And yet, with Him able to see everything I had ever done and would ever do, there was this incredible overwhelming love that I could feel radiating throughout my entire being. It was like nothing I have ever experienced. There is no way that anybody could ever experience that and deny the existence of God. I understand now why people will fall to their knees in His presence.